Judd is identified by Muñoz as "a Jewish cartoonist
from Long Island," which is not necessarily incorrect, but is certainly
limiting, an inference for which Muñoz provides a quick rationalization:
"I am aware that the preceding descriptions seem to be somewhat stock,
but these were the primary identity accounts that
the
program offered" (155). That caveat saves his essay, "Pedro Zamora's
Real
World of Counterpublicity: Performing an Ethics of the Self", from
blatant hypocrisy, but does hint at the incongruities of analyzing
Pedro's
ethnicity without doing so, and perhaps starting with, Judd's as well.
In their reviews of Pedro and Me, both Ricardo
Ortiz, Web Behrens, and Richard Brower comment on Judd's unique placement:
"It's not often that a 30-year-old heterosexual man commands the rapt attention
of a queer youth group" (Behrens 33). "We also see a healthy friendship
between a straight man and a gay man, which cannot be stressed enough in
our still homophobic society" (Brower). "The balance he strikes is indeed
delicate," agrees Ortiz (33). Winick engages in several balancing acts,
mediating between the comic book genre and
biographical memoir, between his television
Real World personae
and his real-life personality (and, even, his
textual characterization), between a furthering Pedro's cause and using
Pedro's popularity, et cetera. But, the balance between him and
Pedro as minorities begins early in the book, as "Winick smartly contrasts
his own childhood with Zamora's in the early chapters, then brings them
both together in their MTV house" (Behrens
34). In fact, the dual biographies that open the book can be seen as parallel
lines two vastly different origins for two young men who will later be
strongly linked to one and another. "It also establishes that this is the
story of how one (sensitive, thoughtful, and creative, but otherwise apparently
conventional) young straight man from suburban America come not only to
accept and to tolerate, but to embrace in friendship, and in love, a young
Gay man with AIDS" (Ortiz 33). At certain moments such as in the book's
title, during moments of friendly
banter, or in these reviews Judd and Pedro are practically equated.
"Like Zamora before him, Winick emplores young
people to learn how to talk about sex with their friends and partners
but most importantly,
to value themselves" (Behrens 34, my emphasis).
And, there seems to be a fair amount of support from both the
text and cultural theorists that to read Judd as transcending his own
ethnicity and/or crossing over into Pedro's has certain merit.
To paraphrase Norman Mailer, is Judd a 'white
Pedro'? Or even a 'straight Pedro'? Both these phrases play on the title
of Mailer's essay, "The White Negro", wherein the elements of 1950s Hip-ness
are investigated. One key element of the hypothetical hipster, says Mailer,
is his language: "I have jotted down perhaps a dozen words, the Hip perhaps
most in use and most likely to last with the minimum of variation. The
words are man, go, put down, make, beat, cool, swing, with it, crazy, dig,
flip, creep, hip, square" (595). There are other terms both employed and
chronicled in Mailer's essay, such as gig, cat, bag, and "goof (the ugliest
word in Hip), if you lapse back into being a frightened stupid child, or
if you flip, if you lose your control, reveal the buried weaker more feminine
part of your nature" (597). Judd, when not engaged in
his
role as narrator, utilizes some of
this
same language, suggesting a relationship between him and Mailer's hipster.
Even in formal interviews, traces of Hip remain: "I was hiding behind
goofy
little stories rather than talking about Pedro having shingles'" (Behrens
34, my emphasis). These excised "goofy little stories" stories which,
as Mailer suggests, may cause fear or anxiety include the one acknowledgment
by Judd that he is not Pedro;
in
his encounter
with a new and frightened gay youth group, he says, "I can't do what
Pedro did. I can't be who Pedro was. I can't be a role model for gay youth
[
] I'm out of my depth." For whatever reason, this scene was not included
in the
final draft of Pedro and Me,
thereby upholding a potential equation between Judd and Pedro, between
the Caucasian and the Latino. Even Pedro is credited as saying, "I promised
the schools I'd come and speak
They'll get a straight boy cartoonist instead.
They'll manage" (Winick 134).
Mailer's essay and Judd's thin connections to Hip can
only take us so far, though. Judd's vocation as a cartoonist could be read
as another link that this razor's edge,
high/low
pop culture, artistic/capitalistic occupation is in some way connected
to "the source of Hip [that] is the Negro for he has been living on the
margin between totalitarianism and democracy for two centuries" (Mailer
585). Judd relates a low ebb just before auditioning for
The Real World
where
his comic strip
Nuts and Bolts is canceled by syndicators "It
was out of nowhere. I didn't see it coming. Killing me would have been
easier [
] I was miserable" (Winick 18). This is the hell of the hipster,
says Mailer, where "one is beat, one has lost one's confidence, one has
lost one's will, one is impotent in the world of action and so closer to
the demeaning flip of becoming a
queer, or indeed
closer to dying"
(598, my emphasis). This is where Mailer and his biases become too far
removed from a more enlightened, contemporary reading. As Eric Lott says,
"The White Nego" is "a text whose mythologies are as telling as its analysis"
(248). That is, I doubt Judd was in great fear of feeling like "a queer"
nor did he relate that potential feeling with death (which may have more
accurately been the case for the scared youths Judd visits in
the
cut scene). However, part of Mailer's analysis is valuable in guiding
us towards a viewing of Judd that traverses ethnic barriers.
Instead of Mailer or, perhaps,
to evolve beyond him the words of Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick and Lott are
helpful. In her essay, "Axiomatic", Sedgwick says:
After all, to identify as must always include multiple processes
of identification with. It also involves identification as against;
but even did it not, the relations implicit in identifying with
are, as psychoanalysis suggests, in themselves quite sufficiently fraught
with intensities of incorporation, diminishment, inflation, threat, loss,
reparation, and disavowal. (338)
To paraphrase that runs the serious chance of misinterpretation
and oversimplification, but one thread that we can draw from her verbal
tapestry is that identity is sticky; one cannot befriend it, be against
it, or remain entirely parallel to it without taking some of it upon one's
self. In fact, the construction of "self" is largely dependent on such
interactions certainly, the construction of "whiteness" is, says Lott:
To assume the mantle of whiteness, these examples seem to say,
if not only to 'befriend' a racial other but to introject or internalize
its imagined special capacities and attributes. The other is of course
'already in us', a part of one's (white) self, filled out according to
the ideological shapes one has met in one's entry into the culture [
]
it also insures that the color line thus erected is constantly open to
transgression or disruption. Several theorists have termed this predicament
"abjection." (247)
But Judd, at least
as he is
portrayed in the story, does not seem to fear this transgression, whether
it is a line between his heterosexuality and Pedro's homosexuality or
his
whiteness and
Pedro's race. Lott says that
"one result of all this is that whiteness itself ultimately becomes an
impersonation. The subterranean components of whiteness that so often threaten
it require an edgy, constant patrolling" (254).
Judd, it seems, does little
of that patrolling, and, when he does, it is only to the degree of
deferential as an outsider; he does not claim to be
gay
or Latino, but, as his later relationship to Pam might suggest, he
does not claim to be or adhere to being strictly white in a strictly white
world, either. It is worth noting that Judd and Pam's interracial relationship
blossomed, "but only after the show stopped filming" even though
his feelings for her began during their cohabitation (Muñoz
215, note 25). All this could be
too easy
an explanation one that discards ethnicity as only those who are
not oppressed by their ethnic labeling could do. At the same time, it could
explain Judd's relative ease in bonding with Pedro and assuming his cause.
In talking about
Cory, Pam, Pedro, and
himself, Judd embraces Sedgwick and chastises Muñoz: "We weren't
really the stereotypes our backgrounds or TV made us out to be. We were
more.
And we saw that in each
other" (Winick 112).